Ed. note: We all dream of what the holidays should be--everything perfect and peace and love all around. But if we are working at a church, we also know things don't always go as planned. When this happens, Gayle's advice that follows will, as it always does, encourage and equip you to handle the conflict well in your service for the Lord.
Growing involves having experiences—most pleasant, some not. Positive lessons can be learned even by negative encounters. Here is one assistant’s account of how she grew through adversity.
When I accepted my first job in the church office, it never occurred to me that coping with people in conflict would be an issue. Though I knew cliques could exist in any church and that congregations might occasionally split, the possibility of this affecting my work seemed remote.
But, within a year I found myself in the middle of what can only be described as warring factions. The next months were sad, frustrating, stressful, and challenging. Still, the crisis made me aware of other ministry assistants in similar circumstances. Now, some two years since harmony was restored, I can objectively assess the value of the insight I gained. There is no need to, nor would I even anonymously, discuss details. My reason for writing is to alert others so they can do more than survive; they can be part of the solution. Here is some of what I learned.
• Maintain your prayer life.
Reading the Bible and praying every day during this troubling time took more discipline than I imagined, but it was this action more than any other that kept me from giving in to anger, hurt, and discouragement. Staying spiritually strong and growing in faith allows us to believe in the best in God’s people even when their best is far from evident.
• Avoid adding to the problem.
Church problems sometimes erupt so suddenly people react without thinking. You don’t want this to happen to you. From the first inkling of trouble and onward, give consideration to the consequences of your words and actions. Your influence can either stir up already angry waters or pour oil on them. You have little or no control over the actions of others; you can control your own.
• Know your role and stick to it.
The ministry assistant is neither referee nor counselor. Be careful not to take on roles rightfully belonging to others. Concentrate on doing your job and doing it well. When people bring complaints and conjecture to the office, be kind but professional. Let them know from the start, in as few words as possible, that your job demands you focus on your own role. Don’t get pulled into the fray.
• Keep working relationships positive.
Now more than ever it is to your advantage to get along well with other staff members. Request a private meeting with your supervisor to discuss the conflict and how it may affect your work. Ask questions. Get answers. If you feel you cannot deliver what is expected of you as a support person, consider your options. Your integrity is worth more than any job.
• Keep things in perspective.
God is still in control. When conflict grips a church, it tends to take on a life of its own and obliterate all positive actions past and present. But good things still happen, people still choose the high road, other priorities still exist. The world still revolves—and not entirely around this controversy.
• Leave problems at the church.
Be involved in interests outside the office. Now is a good time to take up a new hobby, to exercise with a vengeance, to spend quality time with friends, to research your family tree…
• Believe this will get better.
As bad as it gets, the conflict will eventually end. People will sweeten up, gain wisdom, move on. You will handle yourself well and come away with a new appreciation for all the times things go smoothly.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…”
Ecclesiastes 3:1
Please share your thoughts, comments, questions!