Effective Church Communications

Effective Church Communications provides Timeless Strategy and Biblical Inspiration to help churches create communications that fully fulfill the Great Commission

Effective Church Communications provides Timeless Strategy and Biblical Inspiration to help churches create communications that fully fulfill the Great Commission.

Giving emotional first aid and what to do when people need more than you can give

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Gayle Hilligoss Picture
Article by Gayle Hilligoss

Ed. note: Work in the church office is always challenging, but sometimes, what is needed in the church office goes way beyond your job description. When people come in with hurting hearts, Gayle Hilligoss has some wise and practical advice. At the end of the article is a description about and a link to the Stephen's Ministry, if you find your church needs more help in helping others.

“People wanting ‘counseling’ from the secretary became a problem when our pastor had a heart attack several years ago,” wrote a ministry assistant. “At first I was upset; I had no training in counseling. Then I realized people didn’t really want advice, but simply someone to talk to. The best thing I could do was listen. And, to keep the conversation confidential.”

While most people have occasional opportunities to offer comfort to others, the Christian professional may daily encounter people who are hurting. Secretaries need to be very cautious about overstepping their roles. We are not counselors and should never assume those responsibilities. But, if within the scope of your work you are faced a need, with a caring heart and a few basic techniques you can give constructive emotional first aid.

• Really listen. Listening is more than hearing a person out. An effective listener does not preach, scold, interrupt, analyze, judge, or show impatience. As you listen, acknowledge what you are hearing by nodding or saying “I understand” or the like. Give the person your full attention. Maintain eye contact.

• Express empathy. The hurting person is anxious for someone to understand her pain. “I know how you must feel” or similar phrases can be helpful—if you can truly relate to the situation. Sometimes sharing a problem allows the person to face her situation more realistically. Once faced, the hurt can begin to heal. Avoid becoming emotionally involved yourself. Your purpose is to minister, not to take on the problem as your own.

• Never minimize. The hurt may not seem like much to you, but to the person experiencing it the pain is real. Telling about your own or someone else’s bigger problem is never helpful. Avoid “It’s really not that important” or “Why let it get to you?” Ultimately the person must assess the situation for herself.

• Don’t awfulize. Just as you should not make light of a situation, avoid making the problem bigger than it really is. Don’t give opinions regarding others who are involved in the problem: “You’re right. Joe is a terrible husband. I don’t know how you’ve put up with ...”

• If I were you ...  Never let those words cross your lips. Don’t make suggestions or affirm the intentions of others: “Yes, it’s a good idea to tell Joe ...” It is not necessary, nor your responsibility, to come up with solutions.

• Ask constructive questions. The goal of emotional first aid is to help people formulate their own solutions to their problems. You can ask leading questions to point people toward answers: “What are your options?” or “Do you know about our support group?”

• Point others toward prayer. Assure your troubled friend that if she needs someone to talk to, you are there for her. Once the problem is shared, encourage her to turn it over to God. Give assurance that while you don’t know the answers, God does. Close your conversation by praying together. You have offered first aid; God will do the healing.

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If more is needed, consider the Stephen's ministry:

From many years of seeing this ministry at work in many churches where I did seminars. My church has recently started a program--we are a small church and have had to cut back on staff because of big financial challenges, but with the Stephen's Ministry we don't have to cut back on caring for people.

The best way to explain them is to let their website explain them:

What Is Stephen Ministry?

The Stephen Series, also called "Stephen Ministry," provides congregations with the training, resources, and ongoing support to organize and equip a team of lay caregivers--called Stephen Ministers--in the congregation.

Stephen Ministers provide high-quality, confidential, Christ-centered care and support to people experiencing grief, divorce, cancer, job loss, loneliness, disability, relocation, and other life difficulties.

Since 1975, the Stephen Ministries organization, based in St. Louis, Missouri, has helped more than 11,000 congregations implement Stephen Ministry. These congregations represent more than 150 denominations and come from all 50 states, 10 Canadian provinces, and 23 other countries.

The Stephen Ministry Difference

With Stephen Ministry--

  • Pastors don't carry the burden of being the congregation's sole caregivers. They have a team of gifted, trained, committed lay caregivers ready to minister to hurting people inside and outside the congregation.
  • Laypeople have a chance to use and strengthen their leadership and caregiving gifts in meaningful ministry--serving others while experiencing tremendous spiritual growth.
  • People who are hurting no longer suffer alone. A caring Christian friend comes alongside them to provide emotional and spiritual care for as long as the need persists.
  • Congregations have a practical, powerful way to:
    • "Equip God's people for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ." (Ephesians 4:12)
    • "Love one another as I have loved you." (John 13:34)
    • "Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)
    • "Go make disciples." (Matthew 28:19)

For more information, go to: http://www.stephenministries.org/

 

 

How to create multi-media videos EXTREMELY easily, cheaply or for FREE!

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If you liked the video created for Mother's Day with the scrolling images and pictures--you can't believe how easy it is to create your own. This brief video is an introduction on how to do it for FREE or for very low-cost. Next week I'll be adding an additional video or videos that will expand how to use this powerful software.

Connection Cards for Mother’s Day–essential tools for follow-up

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Mother's Day Connection Card, free card
Click on the image to download a free, ready-to-print PDF of this card.

Connection Cards are vitally important for your Mother's Day outreach success, because if visitors don't give you their contact information, you won't be able to follow-up with them. You might have a huge attendance on Mother's Day, but if the next Sunday is back to your usual numbers, you've missed a great opportunity to connect.

If you give church visitors an opportunity to share a question or a prayer request, you will be amazed at how many people will share with you. If you follow-up promptly and compassionately, you will make a significant connection.

To save you time in this important task, I've created some cards that are ready for you to print and use. The files below are part of a ZIP file below.  For each of the cards illustrated below it has:

  • A PDF ready-to-print file
  • Editable MS Publisher file
  • PNG image (perhaps you want to add it to a PowerPoint announcement and encourage people to fill it out)

Additional designs of Mother's Day Connection Cards

This file is FREE and the link is at the end if the article.

The additional designs: various styles, clipart, photo images, spot color of the Connection Cards that are in the ZIP FILE:

Mother's Day Connection Card, free card

 

 

FREE DOWNLOAD OF ZIP file:

CLICK HERE to download your file.

Don’t be mean on Mother’s Day

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Sad faceA woman walks into the church. It is Mother’s Day and the church is handing out flowers. But before a woman gets a flower, she is asked, “Are you a Mother?” if the answer is “No” the woman is informed that the flowers are for Mothers ONLY. She turns around and walks away.

What the church forgot

Many women who attend your church on Mother’s Day are not moms. The reasons for that pain are many: they may have lost a child; they may be unmarried and with little prospects of a future marriage. They may be infertile and may not have had enough money for adoption or fertility treatments. They may have prayed for children for years, but for some reason the answer received was “no.” The reasons are many, but the pain felt daily by many of these women is deepened significantly on Mother’s Day. Often this pain is intensified by unintentionally unthinking and unkind actions of churches on Mother’s Day.

Not meaning to be mean doesn’t make it less unkind

Of course you don’t mean to be mean, but consider: in some churches only Moms are clapped for, receive a free brunch, are acknowledged as significant or given other public affirmations. It is obvious and on display if a woman is not a mother. If a woman has spent many private hours crying over her inability to have children, imagine her feelings at that time.

These reminders are not meant as a suggestion not to honor mothers, but honor can be done sensitively and with the feelings of the childless women in mind. One way to do this might be to focus briefly on the joy of physical children but then to shift into a challenge for spiritual parenting that all can be part of. You cannot take away the pain of childlessness, but that pain can be transformed into a vision for ministry. [Read more...]

6 ways to make the most of Mother’s Day as a Great Outreach Opportunity

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Mothers Day Invitatio#1: Understand the real reason why Mother’s Day has the 3rd highest church attendance of the year

The reason that churches are so full on Mother’s Day is not because it is the only time of year mothers come to church. Most of the Moms are always there. It’s the husbands and kids who rarely come who show up with Mom that one day to make her happy. The reason so many people come to church on Mother’s Day is the unchurched people in the lives of many mothers rarely, if ever, come to church, but they will come on this day to make mom happy. This is a great evangelistic opportunity for your church!

#2: Focus your planning on reaching the unchurched spouses and kids

Flowers are nice, but far better than a rose for Mom would be a Sunday designed to speak to those she loves, but who do not know Jesus. Prepare your people by encouraging them to pray specifically for the unsaved, unchurched, and straying family members who will come to church with mom on this Sunday. Pray for sensitivity to their needs. Create attractive invitations for your members to give family members.

#3 On Mother’s Day acknowledge the visitors who come on Mother’s Day to please their Mother and affirm it is a kind thing to do, and do honestly and without guilt

It isn’t funny or spiritually helpful for someone from the pulpit or a church member to say something like “Great to see some of you here who haven’t darkened the door of the church since last Mother’s Day.”  Or, “You don’t need to be such a stranger around here.”

A bit of coaching the week before Mother’s Day to your staff, ushers, and congregation to be genuinely welcoming—and to leave it at that—is helpful.

#4 At the same time, use your sermon to say to the visiting family members what Mom can’t say

Be honest with your audience on Mothers Day that one of the greatest pains in a mother’s heart is that her child does not know Jesus. To be apart in life is hard, even as a child grows up, but to contemplate an eternity without those you love, is a pain impossible to express.

Acknowledge this is not easy to say (which is why you are saying it for Mom) and it is not at all comfortable to talk about on this happy day, but to not say things that can make an eternal difference is not expressing love. Love is honest about the consequences of a life lived apart from God.

#5 Have available information about the Christian faith they can look at later

Whatever system works best for you, either a bulletin insert, URL, QR code, have a place where visitors can check out websites that explain the Christian faith. An invitation to latte with the pastor next week at the local coffee shop for open-ended Q&A about the Christian faith is another option.

Let them know they are welcome to come back anytime—but again, do it with a light touch.

#6 Do more than preach— additional events can provide great impact and encourage visitors to return

Consider a very upbeat, outreach oriented mini-Ministry Fair for that day so visitors can experience and explore what your church does on a regular basis. For example, many single adults (the unchurched adult children who come to church only on Mother’s Day) often don’t have any idea that many churches have fantastic single adult ministry programs. A table with literature, food, and fun people, welcoming visiting guests and inviting them to return might be just the thing to get them to attend on a regular basis.

For the unchurched husbands to see the men of your church around a literature table that talks about upcoming construction projects, help-the-poor work days, golf outings or sports events and that is staffed by men who reach out, welcome, and engage visiting spouses in conversation is an incredible gift to give to the mom who comes every Sunday on her own. Some men who don’t regularly attend church have never talked to a man who goes to church and does construction work or have any idea that men at church do more than pray or read their Bibles.

Whatever you do, honor Mothers in the best way possible—by helping those they love come to know Jesus.

Need more inspiration?

Check out this video:

 

If you want more information on and to download the communications illustrated in the video, go to: https://www.effectivechurchcom.com on the home page are links to a variety of Mother's Day Communications.